I feel I can connect to certain types of people. Not just people off the street, but those with fatal diseases like me. I feel I can connect mostly with cancer patients. I did have my grandfather die of it, but not that way.... More on a medical|emotional way.

As a child, I was obsessed with soccer. If you gave me a ball that you could kick, I was gone practicing my goal shots, practicing my defense and drive as right wing, midfield; even forward. I had dreams of being on the best women's soccer team in Canada. I had the drive, I signed up for soccer for six years straight.

When I stepped onto that field, I had a feeling of utter freedom. Stress didn't cloud my mind, I didn't think of my day or how good|bad it was. I was there to win and I was going to do my best. I'd streak through players and attempt to make goals, I'd help defend with defense, I'd help the goalie. It was my niche. I felt like I belonged.

Grade five I quit soccer. My parent's divorce left me depressed and broken and it was my last year for soccer. We were moving and my mom wouldn't let me continue to join. I still don't know why, but even now I don't hold my longing for it against her.

I'm now in grade eleven and wish I could join. I wish I could enter that field with my uniform, drive the ball straight to the net and get the winning goal. Why can't I, you may ask?

I have a life threatening heart disease. I'm no longer allowed to play any sports where I can get injured in the chest. Soccer is of course, a hazzard to my life and if I play, I'm risking my life.

It's doctor's orders I no longer play and it saddens me. I watch the girls soccer team from afar and wish I was out there. I don't care if the other girls like me, but I'd still be there. Just me, the field, and the ball.

But as to the connection. Cancer patients know what it's like to do things, to be healthy and then lose that. They understand how it is. Money isn't the obstacle, fitness isn't the obstacle, it's your life and your health that is. It's choosing whether to get better and lose what you love, or do what you love and die doing it.

When I get the operation I could play soccer once again, but by that time I'll be in college probably. I'll have a very small chance of ever playing it again, which I would take if given that chance.

I hear of people speaking of their losses, but I'm not sure many of them realize what this is like.

Not at all.