I had a post all written out and I forgot it at school, so I shall write what I originally was going to by what I remember saying. Hopefully it'll be better than it originally was.

I have no idea why I'm publishing this, but I am. Maybe it's to get it off my mind or simply just to tell my tale, but it's one that parents should be aware of.

We used to live in a women's shelter, my mother, sister and I while my father was in a hospital for cocaine withdrawal

. As we lived there, I gained a friend that was four years older than me; she was eight. Her mother and mine became best friends and after she left, we would go visit her

She was my best friend. I trusted her with everything a four year old could have and we had a lot of fun together in the beginning. We would continuously watch The Swan Princess and I always loved watching Odette, with the help of her friends, be saved. We would also play Barbies a lot (she had a large collection of Barbie furniture).

Everything was amazing up until she knew I trusted her completely. One day, she told me we could play Barbies but only after I did something for her. I had no idea she would ask so much of me. So, I asked what I had to do and she told me I had to kiss her. Remember, I was only four at the time and I didn't think it through. I laid down on her pink comforter, on my side, tensed up and feeling very uncomfortable. She put her balled up baby blanket under her and started to move up and down on it. At the time, I had no idea she was masturbating and making me kiss her while she did.

After a while, I tried to stay home and not see her has much. Every visit she made me do it and told me not to tell her mom. I didn't tell my mom because I was uncomfortable, I was awkward at what went on and I felt ashamed for doing what she asked. Her mom and mine ended up falling out of touch and since then, I have not seen her.

I wish I could have known as a child what she was asking of me. She wasn't just asking me to kiss her while she masturbated. She was asking for my innocence, for a place inside my thoughts at all times. She took away really good friendships I could have had.

It explains exactly why I'm more comfortable around boys. I never had a problem with them because I knew they wouldn't do what she did. To this day, I have problems with my closest girl friends hugging me and I feel ashamed for feeling that way. They didn't do anything to deserve my coldness towards them.

I know as a parent, I'll enforce that this kind of activity is not okay and they shouldn't feel ashamed. I want parents to know simply that a child can go through life, never showing the symptoms of sexual assault or child molestation. That inside, they really hurt and feel a little betrayed that their parents never knew and yet, know it's not their fault.

I wish she would never have met me.

Some days, I feel so used. I wish I could have been more of a child than a 'wise soul' growing up.