As a child, I was an introvert. I'd lie to my friends just to stay inside and clean my room. I remember, I put a tape of Billy Joel's in my tape player and kept rewinding Uptown Girl. I clean my entire room, vacuumed it, dusted it, then went downstairs. I cut a few roses from the rose bush, found a vase and put them on a small table that was in my room. Then I went and made a sandwich for myself, sat down at the table and just stared out my window. I can't remember how long I did this. It must have been a few hours.

It's just funny how that's changed now. I'm so dependent on people and I always need attention. Maybe I needed too much of it when I was little. I'm not sure. I don't remember being that demanding once I hit the age of six. I know after that I was usually a quiet girl that liked to be by herself. I didn't like to ask for things.

Right now, I don't know what's wrong with me. I watched a movie today and at the end I just started sobbing. I was laughing and crying and just going, "What's wrong with me?" Like. Something is really wrong with me.

Lately I've been crying a lot because of something going on in my life. I wish I could forgive you. I wish you would give me a reason to forgive you. I wish you could prove to me you're sorry. Something simple. Something sweet. Something to fix it. I'm waiting for you to fix the damage. I can't wait much longer. I can't clean my room, listen to Billy Joel, cut roses and eat a sandwich. I can't wait forever.