I sit in my room, sobbing into my pillow as I have so many nights since the incident. I cough and try to stop my crying but I cannot. I can't pull myself from the pain and the hurt inside my chest that makes me cry out louder. "Daddy, where are you? I need my daddy. Come back... come back." I feel a warmth on my shoulder. I feel someone watching me and I turn to see him, looking at me with a sad smile. I frown and sniffle, wondering what's going on. "Dad?"

"I don't have much time here, bud. I just couldn't stand to see you crying so much anymore. I know you want me here, I know you want me to come back but I just can't and I'm so sorry." He looks down and I can see water falling onto his pants. I feel horrible for making him cry and start crying more. A hand touches my chin and pushes it up. "Head up, bud. No one ever go far looking down at the sidewalk." I smile a little and still feel tears falling out of my eyes. "I just wanted you to know that I love you so much and I am proud of you. I did see it. I've seen it all and those tears were shed. I'm sorry this happened but find solace in the fact that I am happy and that I know you will be too. You have too much going for you to not."

I feel him embrace me and the warmth envelopes me. His hands against my back, my head on his shoulder. I feel it all and I wrap my arms around him tightly. "I love you, daddy. So much."




Ah, who am I kidding. This crap doesn't help.