moving the furniture off the carpet and out of the way, i lay on the floor. this was where it happened. this was where he left the world for something better, something easier. i close my eyes, fingers interlocked and on my stomach like how he used to sleep. i breathe in the stillness of the room, the absolute quiet of the house. i breathe in deeply, pushing my back into the floor, hoping for a second it might make me disappear and maybe i'll fall back into a worm hole and come out in time to save my father. this was where the couch was.

i imagine the coroner, i imagine my step-mother and some family members, standing while the coroner looks him over. i can almost hear the time of death, something i don't know and don't really want to. i can see the tears and the heavy hearts, the broken dreams and the man that we all loved lying on the couch as if he is peaceful; he is.

i open my eyes and i'm still where i was before. it pains me to not be there to say goodbye to him. i wish i could have been with him for his last moments but i know he wouldn't have wanted to expose me to that kind of sadness. he wouldn't have wanted me to find him like that. he waited until there was no one around and finally gave in.