it hurts so bad. it's like my heart is bursting to leave my chest to find its way to you. to leave my body and float to the heavens where you'll be waiting for it. to hold it, to carress it, to give it all the love i've been missing out on. and i cry so much for my love to be felt, for my love to be taken by you and for you to give yours in return. it aches to remember how you'd hug me and say you love me because i'm forgetting. i'm forgetting your voice, and how your laugh sounded.

the finality of death. the end. the very dead end to everything. the end to our talks, our laughter, our conversations and jokes. the end to our walks, our hugs, our long silences with just knowing your presence was there. that's why it hurts so much. it's not just the end of your life. it's the end of everything you were involved in and the end of so many things i didn't want to say goodbye to just yet. it's the end of all those precious moments that won't ever be relived.

it's the end to my protector, my confidant, my father. my mentor, my debator, my happiness.

it's the end of everything that i had that i knew was good.