I'll never forgive her. I'll never be able to tell her I'm proud of her. I can never say that I love her unconditionally. I can never feel that she loves me unconditionally. She will never change. She will never love me the way she should. I will never be first in her life ever again. I never really was. I will never know the comfort of having a mother again. I will never know what it's like to have a mother that cares. I don't want to hear her say she's sorry for today. I want to hear her say she's sorry for never making me her priority. I want her to hear she's sorry for the past seven years of my life. I want her to feel so bad that she missed out on everything that's happened in my life during those years. Nothing really happened.

I want her to cut all ties with me so I don't have to.

I want her to say goodbye so I don't have to deal with her bullshit.

And I feel bad for thinking all of this.